TEMPLATE ERROR: Error during evaluation of all-head contentSPANKOZ SPANKING BLOG: How to Give a Spanking : Advice from the Receiving End - Excerpt >

Monday, August 10, 2009

How to Give a Spanking : Advice from the Receiving End - Excerpt

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" My husband is pretty good at making sure he gets in at least one swat a day ;-), however it has been a fair while since he has given me a ceremonial spanking.

Now by ceremonial I do not mean anything like the Aztecs did; where he sacrifices something before spanking me (very weird), nor do I mean ceremonial as in wearing robes or having witnesses to officiate the act.

What I do mean however is something that is a little planned out in that glorious mind of his, perhaps a bit of corner time and lots of talking (I like talking during spankings), or maybe an outfit laid out on the bed with an anticipated wait for the inevitable.

Oh how I do love a ceremonial spanking, with his calm and collected manner, that low and dominating tone of voice and the length of time it takes – pure enjoyment and pleasure if I do say so myself. So keeping my fingers crossed, he has showed signs recently of it happening very soon! "


I thought that the above paragraphs from The Good Wives Guide were a good way to set the scene for the following excerpt from How to Give a Spanking : Advice from the Receiving End ( Variant Books, 2009 . All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission . )

In addition to the advice below , readers might also consider wearing a glove ( leather , cycling , gardening or rubber ) to enhance the spanking experience . Gloves will protect the spanker's hand during long spankings .

The rest of the book is well worth reading and deals with adult spanking in a sensitive but practical manner . As I well know , it is very difficult to compartmentalise spanking advice . Many aspects of spanking are interrelated and variable . I would suggest that first timers quickly read and discuss the book , do a little practice to find out what suits , and then go back to the book to refine their spanking activities .

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The Implement is Everything
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The implement that’s being used to spank with, most of the time, forms the heart of a spanking fantasy. It’s no accident that spanking fiction is often categorized not only by who’s spanking who (male/female, male/male, etc.), but also by what implement is used. Everything else about the fantasy – all the other details of the fantasy – are often based around the choice of implement.


Very few people are indifferent to which implement they get spanked with, and almost everyone has strong preferences about which implements they are most excited by and which ones leave them cold.

The starring role of the implement in most people’s fantasy spankings is good news for you, because it means that if you can get your partner to tell you which implement she most prefers, you will probably be well on your way to understanding what kind of spanking she wants you to give her.

In this chapter, we’ll look at the positions, wardrobe, language and other details commonly associated with the most popular spanking implements: the hand, paddle, belt/strap, cane, hairbrush, slipper and wooden spoon.

It’s important to emphasize that this chapter really only skims the surface of the rich content of spanking fantasies and should in no way be considered the definitive guide to what your partner – or anyone else, for that matter – fantasizes about with regard to spanking.

And you’re probably tired of hearing this, but I’ll say it again: to really know what your partner is wanting with regard to any specific implement requires communicating openly and honestly with each other. The information in this section is a useful starting point for discussion. It is not a substitute for that discussion.

So that said, let’s go over some of the more common fantasies and attributes associated with the various spanking implements.

Your Hand

If your partner fantasizes about being spanked with your hand, odds are that she’s probably looking for a personal, intimate spanking experience.


Hand spanking is the only kind of spanking that involves direct contact between your skin and your partner’s. In addition to the contact your hand may have with her bare bottom, a hand spanking is usually given over the knee (meaning that her genitals are pressed hard up against yours).


This combination of factors means that many people crave a hand spanking for its very sensual and erotic qualities, often more so than its disciplinary qualities. If your partner is fantasizing about a hand spanking, there’s a fair chance (though by no means a certainty) that she’s particularly interested in a sensual, intimate spanking.

This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want the spanking to hurt (she may or may not want the pain). But it probably does mean that she wants the pain to be more intimate and the connection between the two of you to be more personal.

Many people who like the idea of spanking as a prelude to sex prefer hand spankings precisely because they’re more intimate and overtly sexual than other types of spankings tend to be. If this is the case for your partner, you might consider highlighting the romantic/sexual aspect of spanking by having her slip into some sexy lingerie and lighting some candles, playing sensual music, etc. to create a romantic, sensual atmosphere.

If your partner is looking for a sensual, intimate spanking experience, she might appreciate being told she’s beautiful while she’s being spanked, as well as that you’re getting excited by spanking her. In addition, you might see if she’s interested in being caressed in between spanks. Often the mixing of hard hand spanks and soft, intimate strokes is very exciting to someone who wants a sensual spanking.

Another kind of fantasy that often centers around hand spanking is actually in many ways the opposite of a sexualized/romantic spanking. Many people who crave a hand spanking have the specific desire to regress to a childlike state of mind.

Since hand spankings are traditionally given to younger children rather than older kids, teens or adults, your partner may be interested in re-creating the feeling of love, protection and security that comes with being a small child over the knee of a loving parent. She may also want the feeling of helplessness and embarrassment that comes with being spanked by someone much larger, older and stronger, like a very young child might be.


If your partner prefers hand spankings as a way to tap into her “little kid” side, you may find that these spankings are most effective when combined with the sorts of things you might say or do if you were spanking a small child. Telling her that she’s been “naughty” and deserves to have her “bottom warmed” might be exciting to her. Scolding her before or while you’re spanking her might also be a big part of her fantasies.

It’s important to note here, however, that an adult’s pain tolerance is, generally speaking, greater than that of a child. So while you may want to treat her like a little kid, you probably want to spank her considerably harder and longer than you would a little kid. Giving her a few smacks on the bottom and then letting her up will likely cause her to feel frustrated and disappointed in the experience. So in general, think mood/feel/tone of a little kid, but the pain tolerance of an adult.

If she’s fantasizing about being treated like a little kid with a hand spanking, she might also like the idea of doing some role playing. You can see if she’s interested in dressing like a little girl – perhaps in a short little dress that can be flipped up to reveal her little girl panties (which you can then pull down when she’s over your knee). Or she might prefer to wear a cute little nightie and get her spanking before she’s tucked into bed at night (or sent to bed early without dessert…).

Though not by any means always, a hand-spanking is often an “in the moment” spanking more than it is a ritualized, formal affair. Little kids, having a shorter attention span, are often turned over their parent’s knee immediately after doing whatever it is they’ve done to earn a spanking. If your partner is interested in a little kid-style hand spanking, you will probably find that a similar approach works very well.

Unlike spankings with, say, a paddle or a cane, hand spankings are generally not limited to a specific number of swats or strokes. Instead, a hand spanking is often given as a continuous, series of smacks without any pause in between to allow the person you’re spanking to catch her breath.

Sometimes a hand spanking is pre-set for a specific number of minutes, as in “I’m going to spank you for three minutes without stopping.” Other times, the spanking lasts as long as the spanker judges is necessary to achieve the required effect (till she cries, apologizes, orgasms, etc.).


Hand spankings are almost always given on a bare bottom. This is partly because being spanked with a hand over clothing usually doesn’t hurt very much or make much of an impression, and partly because for most people who are interested being spanked with a hand, the bare bottom is crucial to the embarrassment and/or sensuality of the experience.

On the embarrassment side, bare-bottomed hand spankings are popular because of the association of hand spankings with disciplining little kids, and the embarrassment of being put over Daddy’s or Mommy’s knee and having one’s pants pulled down (or skirts flipped up) for a spanking.


And on the sexual/romantic side, the skin-on-skin experience of a hand spanking is usually an important part of the sexual and sensual aspect.

Some people who fantasize about bare-bottom hand spankings are excited at the idea of being asked to bare their own bottoms before getting into spanking position. Others find it very embarrassing (and thus very exciting) to have their clothing removed from them by their partner before getting into position. And still others go weak in the knees at the idea of being put into position first, and then having their clothing removed.


And it should be said here that, while bare-bottom is by far the most popular “dress code” for hand spankings, you may also find that you can give a painful and memorable hand spanking over her panties or other light clothing (like a nightie or a pair of nylon gym shorts).

In keeping with the sexual/erotic or the little kid fantasies that usually go with hand spankings, they’re usually given over the knee (commonly abbreviated in the spanking world as “OTK”).

However, when it comes to spanking an adult, you might find this position somewhat impractical, as a full-grown person will probably not be able to balance on your lap well enough for you to spank her effectively.


While this isn’t a technique book, it’s worth taking a moment to point out that a good solution to this problem is to sit on a bed or a couch and let her lie over your lap with her feet and head resting on the bed/couch on either side. This position will still allow for the intimacy and/or embarrassment of an over-the-knee spanking, but will also put her in a stable position so that you can spank her properly.

If your partner fantasizes about being treated like a little kid, you might also try spanking her while she’s standing up. This method is occasionally referred to as a “K-Mart spanking,” because it’s inspired by the frequent tendency of aggravated moms at places like K-mart dealing with tantrums by giving their kids a couple quick whacks on the bottom to calm them down. Whatever you may think of parents doing this to their kids, the idea of being spanked like this in public can make for a very exciting fantasy.

To give a “K-Mart spanking,” take your partner’s arm, turn her around so that her bottom is at the correct spanking angle, and give her a quick hand spanking over the seat of her pants/skirt while scolding her, as you might a naughty little kid. This method is particularly fun when you’re in public and can quickly take her to a private area for some quick correction (which might be very exciting for her). It also works well when paired with the promise of a more serious future punishment (as in, “This is just a taste of what you’ll get when we get home, young lady”).

Now let’s talk about the next implement your partner may be fantasizing about… the paddle…

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How to Give a Spanking : Advice from the Receiving End
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