Spanking Rituals and Techniques

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( CLICK HERE for video )

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( Much of what follows is based on material from a site that occasionally is shut down because it advocates the spanking of children . I have made the appropriate alterations and some corrections to the text . The main theme is punishment rather than erotic spanking and a set ritual involving location , position , clothing , implements , method , etc . is quite often used . Rituals can be a great " turn on " in adult spanking . Spanking positions are discussed on The Spankoz Positions Page . )

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SPANKING TECHNIQUES

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Preparation

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Before placing the spankee over your lap, you may want to remove any keys or other hard items from your pocket . Be careful not to squash breasts against your lap . You might also wish to remove the rings or other jewelry from your spanking hand . ( This is for the benefit of both spanking partners . ) Many spankers prefer to roll up their sleeves prior to the spanking . It's important that there be no obstructions preventing you from spanking safely .

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If you're going to sit on a chair, place it in the centre of the room . If you're using a bed or lounge , keep a safe distance from any bedposts so the spankee will not get hurt from uncontrolled movements ; sitting on the side of the bed usually works best . Seating yourself in the middle of a couch in order to administer an over-the-lap spanking is even better still .

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Placing an uncooperative spankee into the over-the-lap position .

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If the spankee won't lie across your lap on a bed or couch , try this. Right-handedness is assumed . If left-handed , replace left with right , and vice versa .

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" Find an armless chair ( or coffee table etc . ) which, when you sit in it , your thigh is above the spankee's knee , ideally at about the middle of the spankee's thighs . Take the spankee's left wrist in your right hand and take him/her to your selected chair . Sit down , with the spankee on your right side . For this to work , you must spread your knees . The spankee's weight will be supported on your lap , and by spreading your knees , you gain stability . Transfer the spankee's wrist to your left hand and pull him/her over your lap . ( Some spankers like to raise one knee to raise the spankee's bottom . ) Pull him/her to your left , and lean , if you must . The spankee has to lean forward against your right thigh , and once you've pulled his/her centre of gravity past your thigh , he/she will ' trip ' over your right thigh and instinctively will catch himself/herself with his/her right hand on your left thigh. He/she will now be lying across your lap , with his/her feet off the floor . Now , use your left hand to hold his/her upper body . The right hand , of course , is occupied with the now positioned bottom . " An alternative is , in the case of larger spankees , use the over the single leg position to increase the " swinging room " .

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Bare bottom or not ?

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The majority of spankers and spankees prefer bare-bottomed spankings . It has a number of advantages :

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It will hurt more than a spanking on the outer clothes or on the under clothes . Therefore , it is best for spanking with the hand ( spanking a fully clothed bottom with the hand is fairly ineffective ) .

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It allows the spanker to gauge the severity of the spanking ( visual feedback ) .

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It feels more natural for spankers to spank a spankee's bare rather than clothed bottom . ( ? )

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It is fairer : spanking on whatever garment the spankee happens to wear would allow a random factor to play a major role - spanking on the bare treats every spankee and every case equally .

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The smacking sound - much more pronounced than a spanking on pants - adds to the psychological impact .

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The act of baring the bottom and presenting it for the spanking makes the spanking more formal and ceremonial - it increases the important "ritual" aspect of the punishment experience .

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Some people feel that bare bottom spanking should be discouraged because it is too painful or too embarrassing for the spankee. Of course, it depends on cultural differences and the individual family. But if spankings are given as recommended here (only by spanking partners, only in privacy, only with the hand, and in a loving and non-humiliating manner), this argument cannot be upheld .

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Alternatives

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A good alternative - a middle course - between spanking fully clothed and spanking bare-bottomed is spanking on the underpants . This retains most of the bare-bottom advantages listed above . While denim jeans are estimated to absorb about 70% of a spanking's impact , underpants absorb only 10-20% . Psychologically , the exposing of the child's underwear constitutes an " act of baring " too , albeit less powerful than the exposing of the bare bottom . ( I would like to see the research on this , or , better still , some research volunteers . )

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Another solution : " If you are hesitant to spank a bare bottom, have the spankee wear a thin pair of panties or the tight spandex shorts , then either get them wet before the spankee puts them on or have the child get them wet in the sink , shower or bath after being put on . This makes the fabric cling to the buttocks making a good view for the spanker and still protects the skin . The spankee feels the pressure of the fabric on the bottom before the spanks begin which seems to remind them of what is coming . Another method is to lie on the bed with 2 pillows under the hips and to pull the pants tighter with both hands . This method makes the spankee very aware of their bottom raised in the air and poised for the spanking to come ... . This method still stings and reddens the bottom a great deal . "

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Another suggestion is a way to bare a spankee's bottom without removing or pulling down his/her underwear . " All you have to do ( after pulling down the pants ) is to place the spankee on your lap with their underwear still on . You take both edges and pull them to the centre and tuck them in the crack . Although this is not a complete baring , it does show a large portion of flesh and will leave the sit spot available for the spanking . "

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Yet another idea is to tell your spankee to prepare for his/her spanking by putting on a pair of drop-seat pajamas without underwear . Opening the rear flap gives the parent easy access to the bare bottom without frontal nudity. Drop-seat pajamas may be a little difficult to find nowadays but if you can sew your own or try shopping for drop-seat pajamas/long johns .

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Taking the pants down

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The pants can either be taken down to the ankles , to the knees ( half way down ) , or to just below the buttocks , although the latter is less advisable ( taking the pants a bit lower than absolutely necessary increases the ritual aspect of the baring , as does moving the shirt etc . up the back ) . They can also be removed completely ; then they won't be dangling somewhere . For reasons of modesty , the pants are best taken down just before the spankee gets into position . For women who wear dresses or skirts , the skirt can simply be turned up after the girl is over the spanker's lap .

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" When taking the pants down , the spanker should not just yank them down. This not only eliminates the ritual aspect of the baring , but in case of a man , could cause injury to his genitals . The procedure should be done slowly , but deliberately. With the spankee standing in front of you , slide the outer garment ( pants or shorts ) down to the desired position , leaving the underwear in place . Then take down the underwear to the desired position , preferably slightly higher than the outer garment , but low enough to bare the entire bottom . If the spankee is wearing a garment that does not require underwear , such as pajamas , take the pants down to the same position as if it were underwear . During this procedure the spankee may be whining or crying ; promising not to do it again . Maintain eye contact , but do not reply verbally , continue to take the pants down . This will not only increase the ritual aspect of the baring , but will insure the spankee understands the spanker is in complete control . When the spanking is over the spanker may pull the pants up , even if the spankee was allowed to do the baring as described below . This will give the spankee a sense of finality . Some spankees may require more time to compose him or herself . It's would be okay for the spanker to say " When you're ready , pull up your pants and come on out " . Then leave the room . "

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Some spankers ask/order spankees to take down their pants , allowing/forcing them to cooperate . Others prefer to do the act themselves . Both approaches have advantages and disadvantages . It also depends on the individual situation and the spankee . If spankees refuse to cooperate , it may help to have them put their hands on their head for the procedure - this will minimize the hassle . If spankees are penitent and cooperative , it is okay to allow them to do the baring itself .

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Breathing

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A spanking is exhausting for the spanker , but even more so for the spankee . It can actually compare to the physical effects of a one-mile run . It promotes the circulation and increases the pulse . This in turn requires breathing faster and deeper . In extreme cases it can lead to hyperventilation .
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Therefore it is a very important safeguard to make sure the spankee is breathing normally before commencing the spanking . After checking you're sufficiently calmed down yourself , it is recommendable to ask a question such as " are you ready for your spanking ? " to find out whether the spankee is both physically and mentally ready .
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If the spankee appears out of breath , e.g. from running away in an attempt to escape the punishment or from a heated discussion beforehand , give him/her time to calm down to normal pulse and breathing before beginning the punishment . If the spankee appears out of breath during the spanking , pause while giving their bottom a short rub .
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Positioning :

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If the spankee tries to squirm out of position than you can place your left elbow at the right side of the spankee , level with the spankee's shoulder . This should mean that your hand will be positioned at the waist and you will be able to pull the spankee closer to your body . This will trap the spankee between your body and your left arm . This will stop the spankee from squirming and make the spanking safer .

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Readying your hand

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There are basically two ways of spanking with an open hand . The first is to stiffen your hand , flattening it like a paddle . This is less advisable because it's likely to make you feel aggressive and overly mechanical . Besides , it creates an unfavorable impact .

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Figure 1. Spanking with a stiffened hand.

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The alternative is to have your hand relaxed and flexible ( especially at the wrist ) , like a strap . This figures to be the better choice . If you have ever played congas , bongos , tennis or squash , you will know what it means to keep your wrist flexible . Keep your four fingers together and relaxed , too . Note that it will be mainly your fingers that do the work , not your palm . Your thumb will not participate much , so you can move it a bit out of the way . Concentrate on where and how your four fingers make contact with the spankee's bottom .

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Figure 2. Spanking with a relaxed hand.

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Cupping the hand while spanking the bare bottom of a spankee reduces the pain produced . At the same time , it produces a much louder sound - this makes the spanking seem more severe than it actually is . This trick can be very useful . It increases the psychological effect while keeping the physical pain to a minimum .

Figure 3. Spanking with a cupped hand.

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If new to spanking , don't lift your arm too high , you may only sacrifice accuracy to apparent power . ( See : Putting Your Back Into It . )

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Distribution

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Do not restrict the spanks to any one area , but try to distribute them evenly over the whole of the buttocks . Determine just where you want each spank to land . ( Hand / Eye coordination , so many videos and pictures have the spanker looking at anything but the spankee's bottom , even the camera ! ) If the spanking is bare-bottom , you'll be able to see the skin redden as you smack it and direct your hand accordingly . Generally , keep a safe distance from the kidneys , the coccyx and the genital area ( the latter especially when spanking men ) . Also , spank only the convex part of the buttocks , not the sides !

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Figure 4. The blue areas show the "prohibited zones": the kidney (K), the coccyx (C) and the genital (G) area. The orange areas indicate where spanking is safe.

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The lower half of each buttock ( the "sit spot", just above the place where the thigh and the bottom meets , shown in pink ) is particularly suitable for spanking . The drawing on the right illustrates how to find the recommended area: keep about one inch ( 3 cm ) lower than the top of the crack . Never spank higher than that .

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Since the bottom is divided into two cheeks , there are three options for placing each spank - left cheek, right cheek , or both cheeks together . Spanks that cover both cheeks can be particularly effective , but to ensure a good distribution , it's best to use all three areas in a random pattern ( e.g. l , r , b , r , b , b , l , l , r , b , b ... ) .

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Speed and rhythm

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There are two schools of thought . One says to spank at a steady pace , with roughly equal intervals between the spanks . The spanking rate can be as fast as 2-3 spanks per second ( quick slapping ) or as slow as only one spank in 3-4 seconds . Generally , spankings with an implement ( e.g. a paddle ) should be slower than hand spankings .

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The " steady pace " style , however , is somewhat robotic . So , the other approach is to vary the tempo all the time . Also, the location and force of each spank should change in a random fashion . This will make each smack unpredictable and the overall spanking more effective .

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Building up

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Imagine yourself giving ( or receiving ) , say , five spanks of different strength - very light , light , medium , hard , very hard . Does the order in which these spanks are given matter ?

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Physically , the order should be irrelevant : the total effect is the sum of the spanks , and the result of a sum does not depend on the order of its components . This law applies to the physical aspects of the spanking , such as the redness that results from the spanks . A spanking however is not given for physical but for psychological reasons ; and psychologically , the order does matter . Spanks given in an increasing pattern have a stronger effect than the same spanks given in a decreasing pattern . Spankers can use this effect to reduce the number of spanks (and their net impact ) needed to reach the desired result .

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Of course , when giving a spanking that consists of more than 5 spanks , it is neither practicable nor desirable to increase the strength throughout . There are limits on both ends of the scale - too light spanks are ineffective while too hard spanks are unsafe . For this reason , it is recommendable to use sub-patterns of increasing strength - like an ( ideally , somewhat irregular ) sawtooth function . If you're familiar with musical terms , think of a series of short crescendos . Many spankers will intuitively follow this principle when giving a spanking .
Note : increasing the speed of the spanking in a likewise manner ( accellerando ) is not a very good idea . If the spanks come too fast , they are actually felt less , not more . Generally , for maximum impact each spank should be given sufficient time to " sink in " before the next spank .

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The first spank is important

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As an exception to the " building up " rule , the first spank should not be a weak one . It is too psychologically important . Start with a good first swat to get your spankee's full attention , then decrease .

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Changing the position

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After spanking with the spankee in the usual position , i.e. bottom to the right and head to the left , try reversing the position and continuing the spanking with the hand applying the spanks pointed downwards towards the base of the bottom .This enables the spanks to land in a slightly different region and thus increases the coverage .

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"I had the idea when I was watching my sister give a spanking to her husband whilst in the standing position . For the reasons you give I don't favour that position but it occurred to me that her hand pointing downward meant that she was making contact with the lower middle part of his bottom in a way which my spankings did not . I then realised that the same effect could be achieved by having the spankee's bottom on the left hand sid e. This method also introduces a little variety and additional ritual into the proceedings which I rather like . "

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Duration

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When setting up house rules , some couples agree on fixed numbers of spanks for certain offences . This scheme is traditionally mostly used for canings because the severity of the implement necessarily keeps the number of strokes low ; e.g. 3 or 6 strokes with the cane ( " six of the best " ) .
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For spankings given with the flat hand , it is appropriate to give 40 - 50 spanks + . In practice , many spankers don't count the smacks - they just stop when they feel the punishment has been sufficient . This flexible approach is preferable because it allows to take the spankee's reaction into account .
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In addition , counting each spank makes the exercise cold and impersonal . This may be something for judicial corporal punishment and may also be used in adult spanking .

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During the spanking

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During the spanking , it is best to keep silent . For one thing , you can concentrate better on each spank when you are not talking . Also, your spankee's thoughts should be focussed entirely on the spanking . You're probably familar with the " Now will you promise to be good ? " approach . Avoid this if you can . By asking questions during the spanking you will distract your spankee . In effect , neither your words nor your spanks will get the attention they need .

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Use your voice during the spanking only to control your spankee verbally when they have gotten out of position ( see the next section ) . But don't use your voice to keep your spankee from crying . Crying is natural in this situation and not an act of disobedience . Tears are good and purifying .

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The " layer cake " method
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This method was suggested by a former public school teacher who has been instructing , with great success , on how to spank effectively . In this method, the spanking is split into a series of intervals with a dialogue phase in between each " layer " .
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" With the ' layer cake' approach , the necessary preparation and explanation are followed by sufficient spanking to ensure the spankee's attention . Then , with the spankee either repositioned so that he or she is standing at the spanker's knee or still in position , the spanker reasons with the spankee . The spanker then spanks enough to make sure that he or she has the spankee's undivided attention before pausing to reason with the spankee once more . A little more talking is then followed by a little more spanking . ... "
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" All comments made by the spanker during the punishment should be positive , specifically addressing the parent's faith in the child to fulfill the parent's reasonable expectation , since the spanking addresses the parent's displeasure with the spankee's past behavior ( as well as maintaining the spankee's undivided attention ) . The reasoning is meant to provide balance in the spankee's mind as the parent directs and amends the spankee's thinking process from the past and into the future . Repetition , ritual , and reinforcement are key components of " layer cake " . So the lesson the spanker desires to teach is not likely to have to be repeated . ... "
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" The spanking and pauses for discussion should proceed at a pace with which the spanker is comfortable and the spankee is appropriately responsive . The planned pauses allow both the spanker and spankee to reflect on the disciplinary process . In particular , it permits the spanker to concentrate on one task at a time while gauging the effectiveness . .. The alternating pattern of reinforcing ' layers ' spanking and dialogue continues until the spanker is absolutely sure that the spankee has ' gotten the message ' . Then , the spanker finishes the session with sufficient spanking to bring the spankee to a full flow of cleansing tears and repentance . Of course , it goes without saying that , unreserved reconciliation follows . "
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Note : Some spankees cry more easily than others . For this reason , crying is not an objective indicator to judge whether the punishment is enough . If your spankee doesn't cry easily , you should not assume that a spanking isn't effective just because he/she isn't crying . Tears are cleansing , but they aren't a must . ( Note : Most men don't cry ! )
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Positive reinforcement
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When discussing the spankee's behavior, try to use positive statements addressing your faith in the spankee to fulfill your expectations . The reasoning is meant to provide balance in the spankee's mind as the spanker directs and amends the spankee's thinking process from the past and into the future .

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Here are some examples for positive verbal reinforcement : " I know that you can do better and you know it , too , don't you ? You are much better than your recent behavior is telling the world that you are ; isn't it ? Way down , deep inside, you really are a good person ; aren't you ? You know , I would not trade you for anyone in the whole wide world . You are mine and I am keeping you . Even now , I love you more than you know at this moment . You really are a good person . I am never letting you go . But, we are here because we are not going to let the way you have acted get in the way of who you are and what you can become ! You really are bunches and bunches better than you have behaved recently . Why just the other day your mother ( professor , whoever , or I ) was saying ( praise , praise , praise ) ... "

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To be avoided at all costs are guaranteed spirit-breakers such as , " You are just like you father ( or mother ) ; how could you be so stupid ? " or " Why can't you be like your sister ( or older brother , cousin , etc. ) ; she ( or he ) ’s so perfect ; why can't you be just like her ( him ) ? " Also to be avoided are open-ended questions for which no real answer may exist . These may include , " Why do you behave like that ? " Often, the spankee has no idea .
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Keeping in position
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Assuming a good position before the spanking begins is important , but sometimes it can be difficult to maintain . The spankee may start kicking , squirming , or trying to cover his/her bottom with his/her hand . If so , the spanker must counteract because such resistance jeopardizes the safety of the spanking .
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The best solution is to verbally get the spankee back into the proper position . It can help to let the spankee grab the legs of the chair , or the spanker's legs . This will make it easier to keep his/her hands in front and give them some physical ( and moral ) support . If this still doesn't help and the spankee's hand flings back , it should be held , " pinned down " , at the small of the spankee's back with the spanker's free left hand , allowing the spanking to continue . If this persists , smack the hand a few times , the spankee will soon get the message .
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To prevent kicking , the best solution again is verbal instruction . As a physical countermeasure if verbal instruction doesn't help, the child's legs can be tucked under the parent's right leg . Also, the spankee's pants , if they are bunched at the knees or ankles , will limit the freedom to kick .
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After the spanking
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Remember that after the spanking , the spankee has " paid the price " for his/her misbehavior and should be fully forgiven , effective immediately . The slate is clean again . Reassure your spankee tell him/her how much he/she is loved and that the punishment was necessary to keep him/her from repeating the bad act . If he/she is crying , hold him/her on your lap until the tears subside , and hug him/her .
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After the spankee has regained his/her composure , help him/her to get dressed again . You can let him/her apologize to you ( or the offended person , if different ) , and promise not to repeat the bad behaviour . This will strengthen the educational effect . Do not apologise for having given the spanking . If you truly felt that such a punishment was deserved , it was your responsibility to carry it out . You don't want to undermine the deterrence factor by suggesting that you spanked unfairly .
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Let the spanking stand as the punishment for the offence , and do not humiliate your spankee by mentioning the offence or its penalty in public . The spankee has paid and the issue is settled . Fully reintegrate the spankee into the family , and make sure all family members accept the punishment as sufficient , so that they will reaccept the spankee as well . Do not tolerate any further angry words about the misbehaviour . The matter is to be considered closed .
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Lotion
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It may be a good idea to put lotion on the spankee's bottom after the spanking ( most " skin repair " products should be suitable for unbroken skin ) .
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